From jackel5@hotmail.com Wed Aug 25 05:20:09 1999
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From: jackel5@hotmail.com (The Jackel)
Newsgroups: alt.hackers.malicious
Subject: Re: Virus hoaxes...
Organization: WiCKeDSaMuRai
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Now you wanna see what a real virus can do.....

*** VIRUS ALERT ***



If you receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it
immediately. Do not open it.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR
and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to
play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your
ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz
(be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all
while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that
is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active
verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key
sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment,
it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer
plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses
and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole
milk.

It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing
it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to
behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection.


Posting all this stuff about the virus reminded me about this joke I
got at www.newfie.com .  Its old but funny.

DRINK ALL MY BEER.  NOOOOOOOOOO

All in good phun.

The Jackel

-=-=-=-=-=-=-
All you know, is alone
You see a phantom stranger
Down you go, all alone
You love a phantom stranger
-"Return of the Phantom Stranger
- Rob Zombie
-=-=-=-=-=-=-